It's been a long time since I visited my own blog. I know there're some of you coming back, checking for updates occasionally. Appreciate the thought of wanting to see what I'm up to / what I'm busy with / what shit I got into / if I'm still me..
I know, it's boring to keep talking about NIE again and again but that's the only thing I'm busy with. School school school. All of us in NIE are suffocating from the number of assignments, which are constantly piling. It's finally recess week, and I'm really glad to have a week off from traveling, and off from those interactive lessons, esp those English modules. They scare me, really. As a result, Wed nights and Thurs mornings are the most dreaded times of the week. I have 2 Eng modules on Thurs fyi. I always feel like an idiot in Eng classes. Usually, I have no idea what they're talking about as they speak in bombastic words with lightning speed. If not, I absolutely have no courage to open my mouth and make comments. Not even a simple "yes" or "no". I don't know what's wrong with me, really. Sometimes, I really wish I could speak as fluently and think as fast as the rest of the classmates. I feel super inferior then.
Besides school, I've been pondering over the issue of friends recently. Lady Luck is not on my side as I always have some stupid assignments to do when there's friends gathering/outing/party. I'm afraid to say I'm losing my friends. Talking about effort, time kills them all. Excuses, excuses, excuses. I always believe that true friends will be there, no matter what, when, where, how. I guess I'm wrong. People being human beings with feelings, they do forget some stuffs and drift away, having stronger feelings with someone else after some time. Friendship has to be constantly maintained.
Also, I think I've lost the ability of making friends.
When I'm using my laptop, I tend to bloghop or watch some tw variety shows. Why can some girls be so good in dolling themselves up?? Covering their flaws effectively and appear being so perfect. Why is it that some girls can look good in everything, some girls can look gorgeous effortlessly? Why is it that some girls are so talented, so smart? As compared, I'm like a little red dot, trying too hard sometimes.
It's so tough to find myself, you know. A style that belongs to me, a personality that defines me, a set of stuffs to call my own. The today me will look at the ytd me and ask "what's wrong with me ytd?!" The tmr me will look at the today me and ask "what's wrong with me ytd?!" I'm mad. I'm crazy. I'm lunatic.
I sincerely hope that one day, I can become confident and proud of myself, after finding my authentic self.
她说无所谓
只要能在夜里 翻来覆去的时候有寄托
等不到天黑 烟火不会太完美
回忆烧成灰 还是等不到结尾
她曾说的无所谓 我怕一天一天被摧毁
等不到天黑 不敢凋谢的花蕾
绿叶在跟随 放开刺痛的滋味
今后不再怕天明 我想只是害怕清醒
