regrets_

real emoish today. maths test was a great big blow for me. like the wolf blowing away the pigs' houses. while walking home, i suddenly thot of mrs tan, my sec 3 n 4 maths teacher. there was once in sec4 when my maths results dropped drastically. she talked to me and tt really motivated me alot. she said, "qinyu! where's the determination you used to have for maths? that never-say-die attitude." true enough. where's my determination for my studies? my love for maths and chem where i used to have ard a yr back. what happened to me?! i think my disastrous results in my jc life really disappointed many pple, especially myself. i really hate the me now. the me who's happy to fall sick so as to not go to sch. the me who'll find zillions of excuses to convince myself that having lousy results is not my fault. when will i really buck up? pulll up my socks that're already near my toes, dropping off my feet. the worst thing is, everytime when i'm so motivated to study, there'll always be some other matters i've to attend to first. and when i'm done with it, that motivation is gone. totally sucks. i seriously feel like sceaming at the top of my voice!!!! or simply just sit at a corner and cry my heart out. but frankly, it's impossible to do those in a hdb flat with my family members walking ard. neither is it possible in sch. mayb one day i'll jux breakdown. get me to the petrol station, and pump me. full tank! i may appear to be happy and high most of the time, but i'm jux hiding my feelings. i've learnt not to spread unhappiness to the pple ard u, to the pple who truly care for u. i'll try my very best to do well. i dun want to see anymore disappointed faces, evil smirks or sympathetic ones. most importantly, i believe in retribution. i'm fighting for time. and the never-say-die attitude will be back, soon.